daretosee | For whatisthatmelody | Back to life alternate timeline au aka a mouthful!

For whatisthatmelody | Back to life alternate timeline au aka a mouthful!

His last moments alive are gasped, choking. Struggling for air. Harold almost thought he'd make it, he'd had enough oxygen in his air tank for about thirty minutes, but as he fought to find a way back into Horizon colony, he'd quickly realized that the subjects had done a full lockdown.

It didn't stop him from trying even still, trying till his last breath gave out.

It's like a jolt shoots through him, waking Harold with a start. He sits up, blinking wildly, then flips back into bed. Bed? What? His mind wonders "a dream?", but no no he knows that wasn't a dream. He'd felt it, he'd lived that.

His eyes dart around, familiar things all around, but this isn't right. No, no this is wrong. He grabs the phone on the desk because his bed, flicks it on to see the date and can't believe what he's reading. Flicks the camera on to look at himself at his face.

It's him. Hair more full and his hairline not as drawn back, no gray. No crowd feet at the corner of his eyes and his forehead much smoother. What the hell... it's then that he hears the familiar sound of an orchestral tune coming from the bathroom.

How many times had he woken up to that or joined Siebren in the shower in the morning to start their day? His mind is a wash of confusion and sadness as he looks at the texts messages on the phone. His mother is glad he's enjoying the beginning of his first semester. College? Jesus is that... yeah that made sense with what he's, seeing but this isn't the room he'd stayed in during that time.

What the hell is going on?

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"I... I don't know. You look real." With a beat of hesitation he reaches over, gives Siebren a little nudge with a fist against his arm.

"Feel real." God what does he even say? Should he explain it? I'm actually in my late 40's and work on a space station on the moon? Me and all of my fellow crew were murdered by genetically altered primates? He'll sound more mad than he might now.

"You-" Siebren tells him of a dream he'd had and it can't be coincidence, but what does it mean? Harold swallows a while bunch of nerves and uncertainty down.

"Maybe I'm just tired. Start of college, moving in... babbling about living in a dream. You sure you want to be my roommate?" Harold smiles weakly at Siebren.

Siebren smiled at that nudge to his arm and gave his own playful nudge back to Harold's shoulder.

"Harold, I am sure there is no one I would rather have for my roommate than you. At the very least, you keep things interesting. I certainly can't complain about that."

He nodded towards the small coffee shop.

"My treat today, what do you say? Sounds like you need a little extra kick to make sure you are awake."

Siebren had a good feeling about Harold. Just being around him was enough to soothe his nerves. Normally he fretted about new roommates, but Harold...Harold just made him feel at ease...like he had known him a long time. Perhaps in another life, they had known one another.

"Having a mid life crisis over dreams is interesting I guess." Wait midlife? Harold you're a baby now. Still he can't help the warm feeling from Siebren's kind words, smiling more genuine as he walks more surely beside him.

"An astute observation Dr. de Kuiper." He laughs a little, before realizing what he's said. Not a doctor yet, but maybe he'll take it as a haha teasing joke. Harold nervously fixes his glasses and tries to stop being so damn weird and awkward. Just relax. He's just making things worse.

"Thank you, Siebren, I'll pay you back. Tomorrow on me?" If he's here tomorrow. If he doesn't wake up. If he's not really dead.

Dr. de Kuiper.

It sounds right...feels right...like some long running joke between them....though this is the first time that Harold had referred to him as such. Siebren found he rather liked it.

"Alright. It is a date then, Dr. Winston."

He beamed and nodded.

Wait...what? Why did he say that?

Siebren managed to catch himself.

"That is...if you like...I'm sorry...I hope I didn't overstep."

It feels so familiar to say that.

Did...did he just flirt with Harold about some old joke between them that wasn't an old joke at all.

"I'm sorry, I must seem to familiar. I just...feel comfortable with you. Like I have known you longer than a few weeks. Perhaps...we were friends in another life."

He smiled at that.

Yes. Perhaps. In the infinite universes he believed existed, surely in one of them a Siebren de Kuiper had met a Harold Winston.

The more they talk the more Harold feels like this day is going so slow and far too fast all at once. How can one get whiplash and yet feel like he's falling in slow motion?

He wished it would stop.

Doctor Winston.

Yes! That's who he is! He wants to tell him everything, explain it all, but could he? Should he? At Siebren saying it's a date his cheeks flush as his roommate flounders awkwardly beside him. This is rather familiar as well.

So very Siebren.

"You always worry too much. It's okay, really." It's something Harold wouldn't push away. The familiarity. The closeness. He'd missed it so much and missed Siebren as well. If this is what fate was going to give him he'd take it.

"Maybe, it's a possibility we can't count out. The universe is vast and possibilities endless." He can't help but smile in kind at Siebren.

"I think we'd have been good friends in another life."

It was true. He did worry too much...but how did Harold know that? Was it really that obvious after only a few weeks?

His sharp features softened at Harold's reaffirming what he thought. That they would have been good friends in another life. He hadn't been shut down or told he was looking too far into something. It had not been a casual agreement to get him to be quiet either.

Siebren's smile was arm and his eyes downcast as he fidgeted with his fingers.

"You know...I...I hope we get to be good friends in this one, too. I...would like that very much."

Yes. Exactly it. He's just very observant, Siebren. Not untrue either...

Now Siebren had his shy soft moments when he knew him, but it's as if he's even more so now. So unsure and ready for any sort of negative rebuttal or dismissal of what he's said. Or of his feelings. It's interesting to see, but at the same time he hated that someone so good so wonderful and brilliant as him would ever feel that way.

"We've got a good headstart I like to think." Harold offers him a smile in turn, "A roommate who doesn't steal all off the hot water in the morning. Just most of it." He chuckles, then his head lifts seeing the place he knows he gets coffee from in the morning most of the time. Some how he just knows it.

"Plus you're getting me coffee. You're my best friend as far as I'm concerned."

A younger Siebren was significantly more shy...even a little timid compared to his adult self that Harold had known before. Small tidbits of that young man showed themselves from time to time, but Harold will see that Siebren has a lot of growing up to do over the next few years.

He's painfully aware of his size compared to others and he's always been a little behind his peers in terms of being able to read and form relationships. His brain was much better suited to concepts and theories. The universe was so massive...so full of potential and wonder and mystery...and it entranced him like nothing on Earth.

His parents had noticed his talent....appreciated his mind...and also made note of certain...difficulties he had on a more social level...and had always encouraged him to be kind. The universe was vast, but it was cold, too. A little warmth...a little kindness went a long way.

There was a warmth in his heart at Harold saying such things...that they had a good head start...that buying him coffee made him his best friend. However silly, it made him feel at home. It was just easy...it felt right.

His grey eyes sparkled and he beamed.

"Yes. Shall we?""

He opened the door and gestured for Harold to enter before him.

"Danke." There's a lot Harold didn't know about Siebren, but there were other things he had learned or picked up on as they'd known each other.

Depending on how long he was going to be here he hopefully would learn more. Harold just wanted to spend as much time as he could with him, even if this wasn't real or just a dream. It's more than he ever thought he'd get with Siebren again.

"So how big am I allowed?" For a drink. Cough.

Siebren's face gave a little start at that, but a sly smile quickly spread over his sharp features and he arched his large eyebrows knowingly.

"I don't know, Harold. I suppose you'll have to use discretion. I don't think it is a matter of how much you are allowed...but rather how much you can...handle?"

He waggled his eyebrows as if that was somehow terribly clever. His smile remained as he asked.

"So....what is it? What is your pleasure, Harold Winston?"

If it were anyone else he'd probably not take it in good nature, but it's Siebren and that mischievous look is so him. He can't not be endeared by the terrible bout of 'cleverness' on his part.

To be fair the word he'd used in Dutch definitely was more for that sort of thing anyway. Slip of the tongue, clearly Siebren knew that which is why he was being TERRIBLE. He can't help but scoff at first, but a chuckle follows after. Staring up at the menu he seems to ponder it, though he already knows what he'll say. Typically he'd be good and get a small since he wasn't paying, but if Siebren is going to play it this way.

"My pleasure? Tall and dark." His eyes flicked to Siebren, a quirk lifting the corner of his lips. "Oh you meant coffee, ahem, tall with no cream, extra sugar, shot of hazelnut of you don't mind. Thank you." So still tall and dark. The handsome is implied. If he wasn't already familiar with Siebren he wouldn't have been so bold with his reply back, but he'd known him.

He'd loved him.

It was easier to be a cheeky flirt when your future was colliding with your past... an alternate past even.

Why does that little chuckle that Harold unleashes make his stomach get tiny butterflies? Why had he even made that joke? He was seeing someone, after all....someone who had been ghosting him before saying they wanted to meet to talk tonight...he really was in no position to be flirting...but...but it was Harold and for some reason that made it seem natural.

Tall and dark? Why...that would also mean...handsome?HANDSOME? Him? Giant, sharp angled....already hairline receding Siebren de Kuiper?

The implication hit him like a ton of bricks and Siebren could feel his cheeks burn. It was his own fault entirely, he had started it. A crimson wave crawled of his face-Harold would know it...even if Siebren did not know that. He smiled, though, and slowly the red died down.

True to his word, he picked up the tab...and settled on a simple coffee with heavy cream for himself. He held the door for Harold as they exited.

"Ah, thank you, for putting up with me, I ah... don't know what came over me."

Edited 2020-03-11 05:28 (UTC)

If he'd known Siebren were currently seeing someone he'd have definitely not been so bold to flirt back like that, but it seemed the things he knew or didn't know from this current reality he was in clued him in when it wanted to. Now was not one of those times. What he does know is that it's so very charming seeing Siebren blush bright red when he was the one who instigated the whole thing in the first place.

Adorable. Though Harold is a bit worried as he doesn't respond back to it at all beyond ordering their drinks. It's not until they're leaving that he finally speaks up on the matter, much more reserved and almost shy. Harold holds his cup with both hands, sipping carefully as it's indeed quite hot.

"Just because we're roommates doesn't mean I'm putting up with you, Siebren." There's a lot of reasons he's 'putting up with' him. He takes another sip from his coffee, walking along with him and glances up at him, considering things. He guesses if he really is here and this isn't a dream that it's not so bad. He's got Siebren again, no matter how life may go or things between them end up... at least he's alive.

"Don't worry, if you ever overstep any boundaries I'll let you know." He punctuates this with a cheeky little wink.

Siebren smiles softly, taking a careful sip of his own coffee.

“Thank you, Harold.”

His voice was heavy with gratitude.

“The truth is...ever since I met you...even though it was just a few weeks ago...it just feels so easy...like I’ve known you a long time already. It feels...peaceful.”

That cheeky little wink is just too much.

Adorable.

He loved it.

“I have the feeling I might need to be...reeled in from time to time.”

In more ways than one.

“I’ll be in late tonight, just so you know. I don’t want you to worry.”

Hearing that goes right to his heart. Does it mean that the Siebren he'd known up on the moon was some where in three? The same situation as him? The idea of it is crazy, Harold knows, he knows if he told anyone what's going on they'd lock him up in a mental ward.

But the chance that Siebren is living the same thing as him...

"I feel the same way, you know. Perhaps we're meant to meet. Soulmates of a sort." Not necessarily of the romantic kind, but he likes to think that's what it meant.

"We'll keep each other in line, friend, someone has to." Harold chuckles softly, then stops as the walkway splits off. This is where's they part for the day, at least for now. Classes and all that.

"Oh- late class or study group?" God Harold feels bad about school as he's done all of this, it'll be such a breeze. Not that he's complaining.

Siebren had felt...off for weeks. As if he was in the wrong place and time...like he had done this before but it was different. He could not put his finger on when exactly it had started or what exactly it meant...but since meeting Harold...it had felt less so. The strange feelings of Deja Vu were still there, but Harold, just by being there,made everything just...feel more right. He could really use someone like that in his life. Someone to keep him in line...keep his feet on the ground when he needed it.

“I like the sound of that. I like it very much, Harold. Thank you.”

He thanked the young man again and meant it.

Too soon, though, it seemed like their paths diverged to their respective buildings. Siebren scratched the back of his neck at the question.

“Ah....no...nothing like that. I’m hoping for something ah...a h bit more romantic tonight.”

Harold is starting to wish that he didn't remember that he'd had another life, he'd been living it up until it was snuffed out and then he woke up in this one. He'd rather the deja vu. Maybe then this wouldn't feel like such a dream.

And here Harold is talking about soulmates and Siebren stands there rubbing his neck awkwardly as he tells him he's got some romantic rendezvous tonight. Oh.

"Oh." Well now he just feels downright foolish. Especially after straight up flirting with him a moment before. He wonders if he already was supposed to know about Siebren being with someone or if this was a new bit of information. He forces an awkward little smile and finger guns at his roommate with one hand.

"Well, go get em tiger." Of course Siebren would already have someone, he's handsome, tall, kind. Anyone would be smart to snatch him up a few weeks into college. He can't be jealous, Siebren isn't his anymore, he hadn't been for years, even if he'd never forgotten him, even if his heart never healed from his passing.

"I won't wait up." He gives a little wave then, turning to head towards his first class of the day. It's honestly a good thing he doesn't really need to pay attention in said class to understand anything, because his mind is going to be distracted all day thinking about Siebren being with someone else.

Oh, how Siebren smiled at those finger guns. It felt good to have someone on his side...someone rooting for him. He had given his own happy little wave before moving on to class. Likewise, he also had trouble focusing in class. He made his way through the day and managed to make it to the appointed place on time. He waited, anxiously looking forward to seeing his girlfriend. She’d picked him out at orientation, it seemed and had been dating for a few weeks. Siebren has never been one to jump into a relationship...but he’d taken a chance...given it a shot...and it seemed to be going well...until they had tried to be intimate. Tried. It seemed he had frightened the poor girl with his size. It had happened before. At least she had not made a scene of it-instead choosing to back out on him. It was always allowed, of course but he had not heard from her since before she set up this date.

And so he waited...and waited...until he was the last one at the little pizza place and the candle on the table had burnt down to nothing. That was when his phone buzzed with a text. His stomach flipped and he felt sick.
We need to see other people. We just aren’t compatible. Good luck in the future!
Not compatible. Not compatible.

His face burned bright red in dim light and he could feel unshed tears burn at his eyes. He left a generous tip for the waitress since he had spent so much time there and ordered a soda. It was the least he could do. He had waited and despite being starving a moment ago he just felt nauseous, all traces of his appetite gone.

He marched back to his room, mind replaying his previous breakups, which had all basically been the same except they had actually given him the respect and dignity of telling him in person instead of standing him up and sending him something as impersonal as a text. “Compatibility” always came up. Always.

He might have trouble reading others but he could read between the lines there. He was too big...he didn’t fit...he was the problem. His hands were shaking so bad by the time he got back to the room that it took him several tries to get the key in the door. It seemed he could not even get the damn key in the lock right. God, he was pathetic.

He did his best to be quiet, knowing Harold was probably sleeping. He took deep, shuddering breaths, hot tears spilling down his face as he quickly made for the bathroom and turned on the shower. He needed one. He felt dirty and needed to wash the feeling away with that caramel scented body wash of his.

Besides, the shower was hot, it his the redness of his face and blended tears with water droplets. After a few long minutes, he stepped out and towered himself off, grabbing a pair of his sleep pants from the shelf and emerged from the bathroom and practically diving into his bed, pulling his thick comforter over him and curling his massive frame into a ball.

He squeezed his eyes shut and managed to take a few steadying breaths, but it was clear he was still upset.

Why? It was not like it had been a years long relationship? It had been a few weeks...but the cruelty involved...the impersonal nature of it...it had shaken him. It had happened before and it would probably happen again. He was never right. Every part of him was too big, it seemed and it hurt knowing that it was something he could not help.

The whole day feels kind of hazy after they part ways. He sits dutifully in class, takes some notes even as he already knows it all. It's most certainly interesting "learning" it all again in Dutch. Still no matter how he tries to focus his thoughts go to Siebren.

Siebren and his romantic night. With classes over he gets dinner and heads back to their dorm, does homework, watches some news and does a little web surfing to see if he can pick out anything else strange. Is it just him that's the outlier? By the time it's starting to get late he's laying in bed, scrolling through texts and the like with his parents and friends, trying to get a hold on this version of his life.

He's also maybe trying to stay awake even as sleep beckons. If he falls asleep will he wake up again? Will it be here? Or another life? Or will there be nothing?

His thoughts are interrupted at the fussing of the door for a good minute. Siebren finally managed to wrangle it into submission and comes in. Harold rolls over in bed to say something, maybe just a 'oh hey how'd it go', but his roommate is already in the bathroom before he can get a word out. Huh. Turning his phone off he'll set it aside as he waits for Siebren to come out.

It's not long and still it doesn't seem like he's noticed Harold is awake, he seems occupied by his own concerns honestly. The way he flips into bed and huddles up under his comforter as if it'll protect him some how has Harold sitting up, fidgeting awkwardly before finally whispering loudly.

"Sieb? You awake?" Of course he is, but he feels weird even bothering him. He probably just wanted to go to sleep.

That whisper in the dark sent a jolt of surprise up his spine. He nodded, only realizing after he did it that Harold could not see him nod with his head under the covers. Slowly, he peeled his comforter away from his face.

“Yes? Harold? Did I disturb you? I’m...I’m sorry.”

His voice was strained, he was trying to sound normal but it only ended up sounding like he was doing his best to hide the fact that he was upset.

"No you didn't, haven't been able to get to sleep." He doesn't bother to grab his glasses, the room is dark beyond a few glowing numbers on clocks and some low light from holograms. A little blue won't hurt him.

"... you okay, buddy?" He tries not to sound too prying, but Siebren just seems. Sad. Tired. He wonders if something happened.

One would figure they'd be in a better mood after a romantic evening.

“Oh, good. I would have...felt terrible if...I disturbed you.”

He would have...but he still feels awful about something else. He trembled under his blanket, but peeled it back revealing his face to Harold. Haroldnwho just a few hours ago had flirted with him, been kind to him, rooted for him with those charming little finger guns.

“No. I’m not.”

Fresh, hot tears welled up in his eyes.

“I’m not alright. I will be...but I’m not right now.”

He took. Steadying breath and tears fell down his face.

“We...we weren’t compatible. We...I never am. It isn’t their fault. It...it just is the way it is.”

He could be blind and still know something was not okay. It's more than plain when Siebren actually says it, but there's that wavier to his voice that makes it obvious he's probably trying not to cry or is crying. What had happened?

Harold has to stop himself from immediately getting up and going to him, would it be weird if he did that? He hates that he has to think that way, to consider things. They're not together here, they've only just started to get to know each other, Siebren is not HIS Siebren.

"Oh Sieb..." He does at the least shift to sit on the end of his bed, so he's closer to him, legs crossed and hands fidgeting a little as he wants nothing more than to go hug him. "Not compatible? Is that what they told you? That's terrible, that's... maybe they weren't right for you. You can't blame yourself so harshly." He can't even imagine this is Siebren's fault at all. Harold knew some what about Siebren's dating woes, they'd never spoke in detail about it, but he'd made it some what clear that his love life had been a mine field of disaster because of his. General size.

Take that as you will. His a giant man with a lot of love to give, but so many bulk so quickly.

Siebren sniffed and wiped tears from his eyes.

“Th-thank you, Harold. You’re a good friend. I...I think I need one of those right now.”

He shook a little. Harold didn’t know...could not know...or maybe he did since he had seen him naked the other day...quite by accident but still.

“They are right, Harold. I’m...I just...I’m just too big.”

Oh, no! Why did he say that? That was far too much information for friends. Still...stilll...it was Harold. He felt at home with Harold...comfortable.

“I’m sorry. That was a little too much information.”

Oh hell with it. He pushes up from the bed and moves to sit on Siebren's, not super close, but still it's more personal this way. Not whisper shouting across their little dorm room.

And no worries. He's seen a lot more if you than just that one time.

"Oh god, haha, no dont-" Harold shakes his head trying not to laugh, but fails. This isn't as terrible as Siebren thinks. Hell even if things were different he still can't imagine he'd be put off by this.

"What's a little er... big? Dick talk between pals?" He'll nudge Siebren a little with us elbow, trying to cheer him up.

"Look if this whole science stuff doesn't work out you could still have a future in uh. Other. Ahem, industries." He makes air quotes with his fingers. God please don't get mad, this is how stupid college kids talk right. Dicks and joking about being a porn star?

For whatisthatmelody | Back to life alternate timeline au aka a mouthful!

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I love how my autocorrect keeps making me look a fool with these typos dang phone tags

Same Hat!!!

Points at other Spider-Man