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whatisthatmelody | Back to life alternate timeline au aka a mouthful!
His last moments alive are gasped, choking. Struggling for air. Harold almost thought he'd make it, he'd had enough oxygen in his air tank for about thirty minutes, but as he fought to find a way back into Horizon colony, he'd quickly realized that the subjects had done a full lockdown.
It didn't stop him from trying even still, trying till his last breath gave out.
It's like a jolt shoots through him, waking Harold with a start. He sits up, blinking wildly, then flips back into bed. Bed? What? His mind wonders "a dream?", but no no he knows that wasn't a dream. He'd felt it, he'd lived that.
His eyes dart around, familiar things all around, but this isn't right. No, no this is wrong. He grabs the phone on the desk because his bed, flicks it on to see the date and can't believe what he's reading. Flicks the camera on to look at himself at his face.
It's him. Hair more full and his hairline not as drawn back, no gray. No crowd feet at the corner of his eyes and his forehead much smoother. What the hell... it's then that he hears the familiar sound of an orchestral tune coming from the bathroom.
How many times had he woken up to that or joined Siebren in the shower in the morning to start their day? His mind is a wash of confusion and sadness as he looks at the texts messages on the phone. His mother is glad he's enjoying the beginning of his first semester. College? Jesus is that... yeah that made sense with what he's, seeing but this isn't the room he'd stayed in during that time.
What the hell is going on?
It didn't stop him from trying even still, trying till his last breath gave out.
It's like a jolt shoots through him, waking Harold with a start. He sits up, blinking wildly, then flips back into bed. Bed? What? His mind wonders "a dream?", but no no he knows that wasn't a dream. He'd felt it, he'd lived that.
His eyes dart around, familiar things all around, but this isn't right. No, no this is wrong. He grabs the phone on the desk because his bed, flicks it on to see the date and can't believe what he's reading. Flicks the camera on to look at himself at his face.
It's him. Hair more full and his hairline not as drawn back, no gray. No crowd feet at the corner of his eyes and his forehead much smoother. What the hell... it's then that he hears the familiar sound of an orchestral tune coming from the bathroom.
How many times had he woken up to that or joined Siebren in the shower in the morning to start their day? His mind is a wash of confusion and sadness as he looks at the texts messages on the phone. His mother is glad he's enjoying the beginning of his first semester. College? Jesus is that... yeah that made sense with what he's, seeing but this isn't the room he'd stayed in during that time.
What the hell is going on?
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Siebren and his romantic night. With classes over he gets dinner and heads back to their dorm, does homework, watches some news and does a little web surfing to see if he can pick out anything else strange. Is it just him that's the outlier? By the time it's starting to get late he's laying in bed, scrolling through texts and the like with his parents and friends, trying to get a hold on this version of his life.
He's also maybe trying to stay awake even as sleep beckons. If he falls asleep will he wake up again? Will it be here? Or another life? Or will there be nothing?
His thoughts are interrupted at the fussing of the door for a good minute. Siebren finally managed to wrangle it into submission and comes in. Harold rolls over in bed to say something, maybe just a 'oh hey how'd it go', but his roommate is already in the bathroom before he can get a word out. Huh. Turning his phone off he'll set it aside as he waits for Siebren to come out.
It's not long and still it doesn't seem like he's noticed Harold is awake, he seems occupied by his own concerns honestly. The way he flips into bed and huddles up under his comforter as if it'll protect him some how has Harold sitting up, fidgeting awkwardly before finally whispering loudly.
"Sieb? You awake?" Of course he is, but he feels weird even bothering him. He probably just wanted to go to sleep.
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“Yes? Harold? Did I disturb you? I’m...I’m sorry.”
His voice was strained, he was trying to sound normal but it only ended up sounding like he was doing his best to hide the fact that he was upset.
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"... you okay, buddy?" He tries not to sound too prying, but Siebren just seems. Sad. Tired. He wonders if something happened.
One would figure they'd be in a better mood after a romantic evening.
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He would have...but he still feels awful about something else. He trembled under his blanket, but peeled it back revealing his face to Harold. Haroldnwho just a few hours ago had flirted with him, been kind to him, rooted for him with those charming little finger guns.
“No. I’m not.”
Fresh, hot tears welled up in his eyes.
“I’m not alright. I will be...but I’m not right now.”
He took. Steadying breath and tears fell down his face.
“We...we weren’t compatible. We...I never am. It isn’t their fault. It...it just is the way it is.”
I love how my autocorrect keeps making me look a fool with these typos dang phone tags
Harold has to stop himself from immediately getting up and going to him, would it be weird if he did that? He hates that he has to think that way, to consider things. They're not together here, they've only just started to get to know each other, Siebren is not HIS Siebren.
"Oh Sieb..." He does at the least shift to sit on the end of his bed, so he's closer to him, legs crossed and hands fidgeting a little as he wants nothing more than to go hug him. "Not compatible? Is that what they told you? That's terrible, that's... maybe they weren't right for you. You can't blame yourself so harshly." He can't even imagine this is Siebren's fault at all. Harold knew some what about Siebren's dating woes, they'd never spoke in detail about it, but he'd made it some what clear that his love life had been a mine field of disaster because of his. General size.
Take that as you will. His a giant man with a lot of love to give, but so many bulk so quickly.
Same Hat!!!
“Th-thank you, Harold. You’re a good friend. I...I think I need one of those right now.”
He shook a little. Harold didn’t know...could not know...or maybe he did since he had seen him naked the other day...quite by accident but still.
“They are right, Harold. I’m...I just...I’m just too big.”
Oh, no! Why did he say that? That was far too much information for friends. Still...stilll...it was Harold. He felt at home with Harold...comfortable.
“I’m sorry. That was a little too much information.”
Points at other Spider-Man
And no worries. He's seen a lot more if you than just that one time.
"Oh god, haha, no dont-" Harold shakes his head trying not to laugh, but fails. This isn't as terrible as Siebren thinks. Hell even if things were different he still can't imagine he'd be put off by this.
"What's a little er... big? Dick talk between pals?" He'll nudge Siebren a little with us elbow, trying to cheer him up.
"Look if this whole science stuff doesn't work out you could still have a future in uh. Other. Ahem, industries." He makes air quotes with his fingers. God please don't get mad, this is how stupid college kids talk right. Dicks and joking about being a porn star?
best meme
“Harold...are you suggesting I star in pornography?”
It was ludicrous...and he laughed then, hand going to his eyes and pinching his forehead. What an idea. Him? Awkward giant? Dressed as a delivery man with a large package for you? It was a real laugh. He smiled and wiped tears away with that hand. He actually reached out his other to Harold.
“Thank you. For the laugh and the...vote of confidence.”
He paused and swallowed.
“Harold...I...I wasn’t kidding, earlier. When I flirted with you at the coffee bar. I...it felt right. It felt like I had done it before...like it was something we had done. It sounds crazy, I know...like we had done it for years...but we just met a few weeks ago. I didn’t mean to tease you. I...”
He didn’t know what to say. Maybe he should not say anything. He was exhausted and his heart had just been broken...he didn’t want Harold to think he was desperate and lookin g for a rebound. It was because he was emotionally exhausted that his barriers were down.
“I just feel...like you said...we are supposed to know each other.”
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God's honest truth.
He's glad he could get him to laugh though, ludicrous conversation aside it was a good feeling knowing he could still get that from him. See that smile in the dim light of their room.
It's oddly romantic in that teen highschool drama sort of way. Harold isn't sure how to reply to what comes next, if it were anyone else and this wasn't some strange dream where he his mind was rocketed through time into his younger self. In an alternate timeline no less, he'd be uncomfortable.
He'd definitely be trying to gently defuse the situation. He's not the type to be some kind of rebound, especially when Siebren was so hurt from just being broken up with literally this very night.
"Hey-" He'll give Siebren's shoulder a little squeeze, "Like I said, I'll let you know if you've overstepped." And his hand drops, resting between them on the bed.
"Besides, I wouldn't have flirted back if I didn't mean it. I shouldn't have cause- well I mean you were with someone, not that it matters now I guess." A little shrug and he hates how much he wants to tell him everything. How they had known each other for years, as friends, lovers. Intimately. It wasn't just Siebren's imagination.
If he felt that way too did it mean maybe the same thing had happened to him? No, no that was ridiculous, he was going to fall asleep and this would all fade away. It was just some... strange life flashing before your eyes shit as someone died.
Maybe.
He doesn't know.
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He listened carefully and gently reached out to take that hand that was on the bed between them-to link their fingers. Just like old times. Just like Horizon.
He started at that. He had no idea what Horizon was but the word was clear in his mind. He cleared his throat.
“Harold...I...i don’t want you to feel like a fling...a rebound. I never spring for rebounds.”
But this feels right. It doesn’t feel like a rebound. He squeezed Harold’s hand. He was shaking a bit as he gently pulled it to his lips and gave it one soft, tentative and very chaste kiss.
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Handsome and forever a romantic.
"Sieb..." God he's such a soft heart, the kiss to the back of his knuckles is corny, cheesy as hell, but it's so very Siebren. Again he knows this would never happen if it were anyone else, but Siebren isn't just anyone and his heart has missed him for too long now. This could be the only chance he'd have with him again. Last chance, last moment. He'd be a goddamn fool not to take it.
"You'd never hurt me, I know." Murmured, free hand reaching up to cup Siebren's face, pushing up a little as he presses their lips together. It's chaste and soft, but so familiar.
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“No, never,” he whispered.
He leaned into that hand that cupped his face. It felt so familiar. Hadn’t they done this before? No. No, they had not...at least not..this time. This time?
Siebren’s overactive mind was silenced when Harold softly pushed his lips up and against Siebren’s own. For an instant, the air smells recycled air...but then it is gone and there is nothing but that kiss.
Siebren could not help but kiss back, matching Harold’s technique. It was gentle, careful...deeply personal.
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It aches now, thinking that soon he'll be gone too. Maybe not the Harold in this time, but the Harold from the future here now, he'll no longer exist. All his memories and love gone. So when Siebren kisses back he wants to hold onto this as long as he possibly can before it's all gone again. He'll end the one kiss with another, then another, inhaling through his nose as the kisses become a bit more insistent, clingy, but in no way sexual.
He just can't lose him again, he can't.
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Siebren came up for air and pressed his nose against Harold’s giving him a soft nuzzle.
“Stay with me. Please, Harold? Just stay with me.”
He returned to giving those soft kisses Harold had started.
“We don’t have to do anything I just...don’t want you to go.”
Go? Where would Harold go?
“I don’t want to go.”
Go where?
His left temple throbbed suddenly, but Harold pressed another kiss to his lips and someone could be stabbing him and he would hardly notice, he prioritized those kisses so much.
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Whatever this was felt so fragile.
Both hands now hold his face, cradle it, thumbs brushing against sharp cheekbones. It takes every ounce of his resolve to not utter that he loves him.
"I don't want to leave." Is what he settles on instead, not saying he won't, because he doesn't know. Maybe in the morning Harold will be here, confused and wondering about strange memories of his fondness for Siebren de Kuiper and kissing him all night long even though he barely knows him. Or maybe it'll still be Harold now with all his memories and his aching heart.
In the dark he can see Siebren's face, his kiss swollen lips, big eyes still a bit moist from crying before... he just wants to hold him so tightly. So he'll urge him to lay with him, on the bed definitely not made for two. Barely made for Siebren let's be real. He'll have Siebren rest his head against his chest, one arm resting around his shoulders, his other hand carding through still damp hair.
It's mused and a bit funny looking, but who cares right now. Harold presses his lips into the mess of hair and sighs, tired, worn out emotionally.
"... Siebren, I like you, just the way you are." Don't ever change. Please.
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He let his head rest on Harold’s chest, content to have his hair stroked while he listened to Harold’s heartbeat. He eased one arm over Harold’s chest, pulling him close. He smiles wide at that kiss to the top of his head. More tenderness.
And then....then Harold says what he has been waiting his whole life to hear. Admittedly, this Siebren had not had to wait as long as his counterpart...but something in Siebren’s mind insists it had waited decades to hear it.
Siebren’s throat tightened and his eyes filled with fresh, hot tears, but...these were happy and they did not fall. His heart that had been dashed to pieces hours earlier now felt so full, Siebren thought it might burst.
“Thank you....Harold.”
His hug tightened and he looked up with those large eye of his, easing up to plant one more of those soft, long kisses onto Harold’s lips. He gave a happy sigh and lay his own head back on Harold’s chest. He wanted to lay there forever.
“Thank you.”
It is all he can manage. Despite how much he loves this, his eyes are getting impossibly heavy. He softly pressed a kiss into Harold’s chest as his large eyes began to flutter.
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Now as they pay here together in the dark, fresh tears wetting the t-shirt yes wearing for bed, Harold likes to think they were always meant to gravitate around one another. At the thankful words he gives Siebren a little squueze, sighing into his hair with a smile.
Maybe if this was his last moments with Siebren again it wasn't so bad. Even then as he feels Siebren quiet and still against him, Harold fights to stay awake as long as he can.
His lids are heavy two and after a few slow blinks... suddenly it's morning. Their blinds are closed on the window, but the bit of sunlight still peeks through. The time on the clock proves it's morning, as if he needed more proof, and Harold feels a surge of relief rush over him.
"Oh thank God." Breathed out and he feels his whole body relax. He's still here. Siebren... Siebren is too. Holding him in a sleepy embrace like he's a plush teddy bear. Smiling warmly he'll run his fingers over his forehead into his hair, it's stuck up all funny from drying the night before.
It's cute.
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He slept deeply and for most of the night, his mind was an infinite abyss of inky black...until a star appeared...and then another...and another...one by one they blinked into existence in his mind’s eye....then, there among them was the Earth...and Siebren realized he was dreaming again. It was the dream he had had off an on for weeks that never ceased to rattle him. He was gazing at the Earth among the stars...except this time he realized he was actually looking through a telescope. He could see himself looking through a telescope. He was much older, Grey hair receded back with a sharp widow’s peak....but his eyes were still glittering with enthusiasm as much as they were now. Siebren had never gotten this far in the dream to actually see his older self.
“So there you are, Dr. de Kuiper.”
He heard a familiar voice...he knew that voice...it was...
Harold Winston.
Siebren’s eyes blinked open in the present, his temple throbbed again. He turned his eyes up at the feeling of someone running their fingers through his hair. Bit by bit, the events of the last night came into his memory and he turned his eyes up at the literal man of his dreams.
“Good Morning, Harold.”
His voice was groggy with sleep but genuinely happy.
“Thank you...for staying with me...and your...kind words last night.”
He paused and cleared his throat.
“I...I think I fancy you quite a bit, Harold Winston.”
He smiled widely and shrugged a bit.
“And I don’t think there is anything you can do about it, I am afraid.”
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"Of course." Even if things hadn't ended up as they were now, he'd still not regret staying with him. Anything he'd said. He'd meant it all.
An eyebrow quirks up and as Siebren playfully all but threatens him. Nothing he can do about it huh? Oh noooo... whatever will he do?
"If you're insinuating that would be a problem you're mistaken, Dr. de Kuiper." Whoops old habits again.
"Thing is, I think I fancy you too." He didn't think, he knew, but he's playing against Siebren's words.
"So. It seems like we have a situation on our hands. We both like each other."
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There it was again. Again it felt right...familiar. It was what the Harold in his dream had called him.
He nodded slowly, tracing circles lazily on Harold’s t-shirt.
“Indeed. It would seem we do.”
He looked up, large eyebrows arched in mock seriousness.
“Not to worry, Dr. Winston. I have the situation under control.”
At that, his left temple throbbed and he could swear he heard an alarm somewhere...but as soon as it had come, it passed.
He gave his head a shake before leaning up to Harold and nuzzling the man’s much smaller nose with his own before kissing the end of it, careful to hold his breath while he did. Siebren was all too aware that he had not in fact brushed his teeth yet.
“I suppose we’ll just have to fancy each other. Not a bad situation to be in at all from where I am standing, as it were.”
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But all to quickly Harold realizes that's not the case. Still he smiles all the same at such familiar conversation, wondering if Siebren just goes along with the whole "doctor" this and that because they are indeed studying to get in said fields. It's not so out of left field is it?
"Ah, but you're not standing. I do agree that the situation is pretty favorable." Harold could stay like this forever, just laying here with him. Muttering and teasing each other in the dim light of the morning.
"... hey," His tone turns a little serious now though, "I don't usually... I'm not really a rebound guy, but I feel like I've known you for years." He has known him for years. Maybe not this younger version of Siebren, but he has. Whether this ends up being serious or even just... friends with benefits, he just wants Siebren to understand he doesn't fall into this sort of thing willy nilly.
"Guess I feel like we're good for each other."
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Whatever it turned out to be, this seemingly effortless comfort that he and Harold had together was all he could ever want. Silly banter, comfort...Siebren did not feel anxious or worried about anything between them.
When Harold’s voice turned serious, Siebren listened intently. He nodded and reached out a large hand to weave his fingers together with Harold’s.
“I understand. I’m not...one to rebound either...but I feel the same way. I can’t explain it but when we are together it...it just feels right.”
He sighed.
“It has never felt like that before. For me, anyway.”
Sharp grey eyes locked with Harold’s
“I...believe we are good for each other.”
The hand holding Harold’s gave a squeeze.
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"And I agree." But he has future proof that it's true, so maybe he has a one up on all of this. He takes his hand away then, stretching a little with a small yawn, rubbing at the back of his neck. God he can't remembering sleeping so well and soundly in a long time. Most nights he crashes from coffee no longer working or from just... working till he can't stay awake any longer. He'd gotten used to sleeping alone a little bit ago, but the familiar warmth or Siebren with him was the best melatonin.
"... this will sound hypocritical considering we made out and fell asleep in the same bed, but maybe we should just, take things slowly." As easy as it would be for Harold to fall into step like before, this is new for Siebren. He smiles though, "I just mean, we have plenty of time to really get to know one another, I think I'd like to savor that." And he leans in, for a little peck.
"Don't you?"
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“Why...yes. Yes, I would like that very much.”
This felt special...of course he would like to take his time and savor getting to know this kind, understanding young man who kissed him so sweetly and shared his bed when he had asked. Oh, he would have time to properly court Harold. He very much liked that idea. He would make sure that Harold Winston knew who he was. Actions spoke louder than words,
He leaned into that little peck, he gave Harold just one more nuzzle in the meantime for good measure.
Siebren gave a soft chuckle.
“Yes...we...did seem to jump into things quickly...but it was completely innocent. I felt nothing but treated with honor and respect....and...”
His eyes went downcast and he scratched the back of his neck.
“And I truly have never been kissed like tht before and...I truly appreciated it. It...made me feel...special.”
There was a hint of pink on his cheeks at that and he was a little embarrassed. He was in college. A few soft kisses from his crush should not make him blush...but it did. It was because it did make him feel special...adored, even.
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As much as Siebren had a way of waffling awkwardly when he was nervous or embarrassed, Harold is finding his younger self is perhaps 1000% worse, but not in a bad way. It's so dreadfully adorable. He hopes the smirk on his face as he listens to him doesn't come off mean, he couldn't have a mean thought in his mind about Siebren. Ever.
"Honorable and respectful, hm?" We only do kisses that honor and respect our partners here in this dorm room. "I can't fathom anyone not wanting to kiss you that way, but that's their loss." Harold smiles softly, "My gain."
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