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whatisthatmelody | Back to life alternate timeline au aka a mouthful!
His last moments alive are gasped, choking. Struggling for air. Harold almost thought he'd make it, he'd had enough oxygen in his air tank for about thirty minutes, but as he fought to find a way back into Horizon colony, he'd quickly realized that the subjects had done a full lockdown.
It didn't stop him from trying even still, trying till his last breath gave out.
It's like a jolt shoots through him, waking Harold with a start. He sits up, blinking wildly, then flips back into bed. Bed? What? His mind wonders "a dream?", but no no he knows that wasn't a dream. He'd felt it, he'd lived that.
His eyes dart around, familiar things all around, but this isn't right. No, no this is wrong. He grabs the phone on the desk because his bed, flicks it on to see the date and can't believe what he's reading. Flicks the camera on to look at himself at his face.
It's him. Hair more full and his hairline not as drawn back, no gray. No crowd feet at the corner of his eyes and his forehead much smoother. What the hell... it's then that he hears the familiar sound of an orchestral tune coming from the bathroom.
How many times had he woken up to that or joined Siebren in the shower in the morning to start their day? His mind is a wash of confusion and sadness as he looks at the texts messages on the phone. His mother is glad he's enjoying the beginning of his first semester. College? Jesus is that... yeah that made sense with what he's, seeing but this isn't the room he'd stayed in during that time.
What the hell is going on?
It didn't stop him from trying even still, trying till his last breath gave out.
It's like a jolt shoots through him, waking Harold with a start. He sits up, blinking wildly, then flips back into bed. Bed? What? His mind wonders "a dream?", but no no he knows that wasn't a dream. He'd felt it, he'd lived that.
His eyes dart around, familiar things all around, but this isn't right. No, no this is wrong. He grabs the phone on the desk because his bed, flicks it on to see the date and can't believe what he's reading. Flicks the camera on to look at himself at his face.
It's him. Hair more full and his hairline not as drawn back, no gray. No crowd feet at the corner of his eyes and his forehead much smoother. What the hell... it's then that he hears the familiar sound of an orchestral tune coming from the bathroom.
How many times had he woken up to that or joined Siebren in the shower in the morning to start their day? His mind is a wash of confusion and sadness as he looks at the texts messages on the phone. His mother is glad he's enjoying the beginning of his first semester. College? Jesus is that... yeah that made sense with what he's, seeing but this isn't the room he'd stayed in during that time.
What the hell is going on?
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It sounds right...feels right...like some long running joke between them....though this is the first time that Harold had referred to him as such. Siebren found he rather liked it.
"Alright. It is a date then, Dr. Winston."
He beamed and nodded.
Wait...what? Why did he say that?
Siebren managed to catch himself.
"That is...if you like...I'm sorry...I hope I didn't overstep."
It feels so familiar to say that.
Did...did he just flirt with Harold about some old joke between them that wasn't an old joke at all.
"I'm sorry, I must seem to familiar. I just...feel comfortable with you. Like I have known you longer than a few weeks. Perhaps...we were friends in another life."
He smiled at that.
Yes. Perhaps. In the infinite universes he believed existed, surely in one of them a Siebren de Kuiper had met a Harold Winston.
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He wished it would stop.
Doctor Winston.
Yes! That's who he is! He wants to tell him everything, explain it all, but could he? Should he? At Siebren saying it's a date his cheeks flush as his roommate flounders awkwardly beside him. This is rather familiar as well.
So very Siebren.
"You always worry too much. It's okay, really." It's something Harold wouldn't push away. The familiarity. The closeness. He'd missed it so much and missed Siebren as well. If this is what fate was going to give him he'd take it.
"Maybe, it's a possibility we can't count out. The universe is vast and possibilities endless." He can't help but smile in kind at Siebren.
"I think we'd have been good friends in another life."
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His sharp features softened at Harold's reaffirming what he thought. That they would have been good friends in another life. He hadn't been shut down or told he was looking too far into something. It had not been a casual agreement to get him to be quiet either.
Siebren's smile was arm and his eyes downcast as he fidgeted with his fingers.
"You know...I...I hope we get to be good friends in this one, too. I...would like that very much."
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Now Siebren had his shy soft moments when he knew him, but it's as if he's even more so now. So unsure and ready for any sort of negative rebuttal or dismissal of what he's said. Or of his feelings. It's interesting to see, but at the same time he hated that someone so good so wonderful and brilliant as him would ever feel that way.
"We've got a good headstart I like to think." Harold offers him a smile in turn, "A roommate who doesn't steal all off the hot water in the morning. Just most of it." He chuckles, then his head lifts seeing the place he knows he gets coffee from in the morning most of the time. Some how he just knows it.
"Plus you're getting me coffee. You're my best friend as far as I'm concerned."
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He's painfully aware of his size compared to others and he's always been a little behind his peers in terms of being able to read and form relationships. His brain was much better suited to concepts and theories. The universe was so massive...so full of potential and wonder and mystery...and it entranced him like nothing on Earth.
His parents had noticed his talent....appreciated his mind...and also made note of certain...difficulties he had on a more social level...and had always encouraged him to be kind. The universe was vast, but it was cold, too. A little warmth...a little kindness went a long way.
There was a warmth in his heart at Harold saying such things...that they had a good head start...that buying him coffee made him his best friend. However silly, it made him feel at home. It was just easy...it felt right.
His grey eyes sparkled and he beamed.
"Yes. Shall we?""
He opened the door and gestured for Harold to enter before him.
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Depending on how long he was going to be here he hopefully would learn more. Harold just wanted to spend as much time as he could with him, even if this wasn't real or just a dream. It's more than he ever thought he'd get with Siebren again.
"So how big am I allowed?" For a drink. Cough.
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"I don't know, Harold. I suppose you'll have to use discretion. I don't think it is a matter of how much you are allowed...but rather how much you can...handle?"
He waggled his eyebrows as if that was somehow terribly clever. His smile remained as he asked.
"So....what is it? What is your pleasure, Harold Winston?"
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To be fair the word he'd used in Dutch definitely was more for that sort of thing anyway. Slip of the tongue, clearly Siebren knew that which is why he was being TERRIBLE. He can't help but scoff at first, but a chuckle follows after. Staring up at the menu he seems to ponder it, though he already knows what he'll say. Typically he'd be good and get a small since he wasn't paying, but if Siebren is going to play it this way.
"My pleasure? Tall and dark." His eyes flicked to Siebren, a quirk lifting the corner of his lips. "Oh you meant coffee, ahem, tall with no cream, extra sugar, shot of hazelnut of you don't mind. Thank you." So still tall and dark. The handsome is implied. If he wasn't already familiar with Siebren he wouldn't have been so bold with his reply back, but he'd known him.
He'd loved him.
It was easier to be a cheeky flirt when your future was colliding with your past... an alternate past even.
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Tall and dark? Why...that would also mean...handsome?HANDSOME? Him? Giant, sharp angled....already hairline receding Siebren de Kuiper?
The implication hit him like a ton of bricks and Siebren could feel his cheeks burn. It was his own fault entirely, he had started it. A crimson wave crawled of his face-Harold would know it...even if Siebren did not know that. He smiled, though, and slowly the red died down.
True to his word, he picked up the tab...and settled on a simple coffee with heavy cream for himself. He held the door for Harold as they exited.
"Ah, thank you, for putting up with me, I ah... don't know what came over me."
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Adorable. Though Harold is a bit worried as he doesn't respond back to it at all beyond ordering their drinks. It's not until they're leaving that he finally speaks up on the matter, much more reserved and almost shy. Harold holds his cup with both hands, sipping carefully as it's indeed quite hot.
"Just because we're roommates doesn't mean I'm putting up with you, Siebren." There's a lot of reasons he's 'putting up with' him. He takes another sip from his coffee, walking along with him and glances up at him, considering things. He guesses if he really is here and this isn't a dream that it's not so bad. He's got Siebren again, no matter how life may go or things between them end up... at least he's alive.
"Don't worry, if you ever overstep any boundaries I'll let you know." He punctuates this with a cheeky little wink.
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“Thank you, Harold.”
His voice was heavy with gratitude.
“The truth is...ever since I met you...even though it was just a few weeks ago...it just feels so easy...like I’ve known you a long time already. It feels...peaceful.”
That cheeky little wink is just too much.
Adorable.
He loved it.
“I have the feeling I might need to be...reeled in from time to time.”
In more ways than one.
“I’ll be in late tonight, just so you know. I don’t want you to worry.”
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But the chance that Siebren is living the same thing as him...
"I feel the same way, you know. Perhaps we're meant to meet. Soulmates of a sort." Not necessarily of the romantic kind, but he likes to think that's what it meant.
"We'll keep each other in line, friend, someone has to." Harold chuckles softly, then stops as the walkway splits off. This is where's they part for the day, at least for now. Classes and all that.
"Oh- late class or study group?" God Harold feels bad about school as he's done all of this, it'll be such a breeze. Not that he's complaining.
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“I like the sound of that. I like it very much, Harold. Thank you.”
He thanked the young man again and meant it.
Too soon, though, it seemed like their paths diverged to their respective buildings. Siebren scratched the back of his neck at the question.
“Ah....no...nothing like that. I’m hoping for something ah...a h bit more romantic tonight.”
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And here Harold is talking about soulmates and Siebren stands there rubbing his neck awkwardly as he tells him he's got some romantic rendezvous tonight. Oh.
"Oh." Well now he just feels downright foolish. Especially after straight up flirting with him a moment before. He wonders if he already was supposed to know about Siebren being with someone or if this was a new bit of information. He forces an awkward little smile and finger guns at his roommate with one hand.
"Well, go get em tiger." Of course Siebren would already have someone, he's handsome, tall, kind. Anyone would be smart to snatch him up a few weeks into college. He can't be jealous, Siebren isn't his anymore, he hadn't been for years, even if he'd never forgotten him, even if his heart never healed from his passing.
"I won't wait up." He gives a little wave then, turning to head towards his first class of the day. It's honestly a good thing he doesn't really need to pay attention in said class to understand anything, because his mind is going to be distracted all day thinking about Siebren being with someone else.
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And so he waited...and waited...until he was the last one at the little pizza place and the candle on the table had burnt down to nothing. That was when his phone buzzed with a text. His stomach flipped and he felt sick.
We need to see other people. We just aren’t compatible. Good luck in the future!
Not compatible. Not compatible.
His face burned bright red in dim light and he could feel unshed tears burn at his eyes. He left a generous tip for the waitress since he had spent so much time there and ordered a soda. It was the least he could do. He had waited and despite being starving a moment ago he just felt nauseous, all traces of his appetite gone.
He marched back to his room, mind replaying his previous breakups, which had all basically been the same except they had actually given him the respect and dignity of telling him in person instead of standing him up and sending him something as impersonal as a text. “Compatibility” always came up. Always.
He might have trouble reading others but he could read between the lines there. He was too big...he didn’t fit...he was the problem. His hands were shaking so bad by the time he got back to the room that it took him several tries to get the key in the door. It seemed he could not even get the damn key in the lock right. God, he was pathetic.
He did his best to be quiet, knowing Harold was probably sleeping. He took deep, shuddering breaths, hot tears spilling down his face as he quickly made for the bathroom and turned on the shower. He needed one. He felt dirty and needed to wash the feeling away with that caramel scented body wash of his.
Besides, the shower was hot, it his the redness of his face and blended tears with water droplets. After a few long minutes, he stepped out and towered himself off, grabbing a pair of his sleep pants from the shelf and emerged from the bathroom and practically diving into his bed, pulling his thick comforter over him and curling his massive frame into a ball.
He squeezed his eyes shut and managed to take a few steadying breaths, but it was clear he was still upset.
Why? It was not like it had been a years long relationship? It had been a few weeks...but the cruelty involved...the impersonal nature of it...it had shaken him. It had happened before and it would probably happen again. He was never right. Every part of him was too big, it seemed and it hurt knowing that it was something he could not help.
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Siebren and his romantic night. With classes over he gets dinner and heads back to their dorm, does homework, watches some news and does a little web surfing to see if he can pick out anything else strange. Is it just him that's the outlier? By the time it's starting to get late he's laying in bed, scrolling through texts and the like with his parents and friends, trying to get a hold on this version of his life.
He's also maybe trying to stay awake even as sleep beckons. If he falls asleep will he wake up again? Will it be here? Or another life? Or will there be nothing?
His thoughts are interrupted at the fussing of the door for a good minute. Siebren finally managed to wrangle it into submission and comes in. Harold rolls over in bed to say something, maybe just a 'oh hey how'd it go', but his roommate is already in the bathroom before he can get a word out. Huh. Turning his phone off he'll set it aside as he waits for Siebren to come out.
It's not long and still it doesn't seem like he's noticed Harold is awake, he seems occupied by his own concerns honestly. The way he flips into bed and huddles up under his comforter as if it'll protect him some how has Harold sitting up, fidgeting awkwardly before finally whispering loudly.
"Sieb? You awake?" Of course he is, but he feels weird even bothering him. He probably just wanted to go to sleep.
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“Yes? Harold? Did I disturb you? I’m...I’m sorry.”
His voice was strained, he was trying to sound normal but it only ended up sounding like he was doing his best to hide the fact that he was upset.
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"... you okay, buddy?" He tries not to sound too prying, but Siebren just seems. Sad. Tired. He wonders if something happened.
One would figure they'd be in a better mood after a romantic evening.
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He would have...but he still feels awful about something else. He trembled under his blanket, but peeled it back revealing his face to Harold. Haroldnwho just a few hours ago had flirted with him, been kind to him, rooted for him with those charming little finger guns.
“No. I’m not.”
Fresh, hot tears welled up in his eyes.
“I’m not alright. I will be...but I’m not right now.”
He took. Steadying breath and tears fell down his face.
“We...we weren’t compatible. We...I never am. It isn’t their fault. It...it just is the way it is.”
I love how my autocorrect keeps making me look a fool with these typos dang phone tags
Harold has to stop himself from immediately getting up and going to him, would it be weird if he did that? He hates that he has to think that way, to consider things. They're not together here, they've only just started to get to know each other, Siebren is not HIS Siebren.
"Oh Sieb..." He does at the least shift to sit on the end of his bed, so he's closer to him, legs crossed and hands fidgeting a little as he wants nothing more than to go hug him. "Not compatible? Is that what they told you? That's terrible, that's... maybe they weren't right for you. You can't blame yourself so harshly." He can't even imagine this is Siebren's fault at all. Harold knew some what about Siebren's dating woes, they'd never spoke in detail about it, but he'd made it some what clear that his love life had been a mine field of disaster because of his. General size.
Take that as you will. His a giant man with a lot of love to give, but so many bulk so quickly.
Same Hat!!!
“Th-thank you, Harold. You’re a good friend. I...I think I need one of those right now.”
He shook a little. Harold didn’t know...could not know...or maybe he did since he had seen him naked the other day...quite by accident but still.
“They are right, Harold. I’m...I just...I’m just too big.”
Oh, no! Why did he say that? That was far too much information for friends. Still...stilll...it was Harold. He felt at home with Harold...comfortable.
“I’m sorry. That was a little too much information.”
Points at other Spider-Man
And no worries. He's seen a lot more if you than just that one time.
"Oh god, haha, no dont-" Harold shakes his head trying not to laugh, but fails. This isn't as terrible as Siebren thinks. Hell even if things were different he still can't imagine he'd be put off by this.
"What's a little er... big? Dick talk between pals?" He'll nudge Siebren a little with us elbow, trying to cheer him up.
"Look if this whole science stuff doesn't work out you could still have a future in uh. Other. Ahem, industries." He makes air quotes with his fingers. God please don't get mad, this is how stupid college kids talk right. Dicks and joking about being a porn star?
best meme
“Harold...are you suggesting I star in pornography?”
It was ludicrous...and he laughed then, hand going to his eyes and pinching his forehead. What an idea. Him? Awkward giant? Dressed as a delivery man with a large package for you? It was a real laugh. He smiled and wiped tears away with that hand. He actually reached out his other to Harold.
“Thank you. For the laugh and the...vote of confidence.”
He paused and swallowed.
“Harold...I...I wasn’t kidding, earlier. When I flirted with you at the coffee bar. I...it felt right. It felt like I had done it before...like it was something we had done. It sounds crazy, I know...like we had done it for years...but we just met a few weeks ago. I didn’t mean to tease you. I...”
He didn’t know what to say. Maybe he should not say anything. He was exhausted and his heart had just been broken...he didn’t want Harold to think he was desperate and lookin g for a rebound. It was because he was emotionally exhausted that his barriers were down.
“I just feel...like you said...we are supposed to know each other.”
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God's honest truth.
He's glad he could get him to laugh though, ludicrous conversation aside it was a good feeling knowing he could still get that from him. See that smile in the dim light of their room.
It's oddly romantic in that teen highschool drama sort of way. Harold isn't sure how to reply to what comes next, if it were anyone else and this wasn't some strange dream where he his mind was rocketed through time into his younger self. In an alternate timeline no less, he'd be uncomfortable.
He'd definitely be trying to gently defuse the situation. He's not the type to be some kind of rebound, especially when Siebren was so hurt from just being broken up with literally this very night.
"Hey-" He'll give Siebren's shoulder a little squeeze, "Like I said, I'll let you know if you've overstepped." And his hand drops, resting between them on the bed.
"Besides, I wouldn't have flirted back if I didn't mean it. I shouldn't have cause- well I mean you were with someone, not that it matters now I guess." A little shrug and he hates how much he wants to tell him everything. How they had known each other for years, as friends, lovers. Intimately. It wasn't just Siebren's imagination.
If he felt that way too did it mean maybe the same thing had happened to him? No, no that was ridiculous, he was going to fall asleep and this would all fade away. It was just some... strange life flashing before your eyes shit as someone died.
Maybe.
He doesn't know.
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He listened carefully and gently reached out to take that hand that was on the bed between them-to link their fingers. Just like old times. Just like Horizon.
He started at that. He had no idea what Horizon was but the word was clear in his mind. He cleared his throat.
“Harold...I...i don’t want you to feel like a fling...a rebound. I never spring for rebounds.”
But this feels right. It doesn’t feel like a rebound. He squeezed Harold’s hand. He was shaking a bit as he gently pulled it to his lips and gave it one soft, tentative and very chaste kiss.
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