daretosee | For whatisthatmelody | Back to life alternate timeline au aka a mouthful!

For whatisthatmelody | Back to life alternate timeline au aka a mouthful!

His last moments alive are gasped, choking. Struggling for air. Harold almost thought he'd make it, he'd had enough oxygen in his air tank for about thirty minutes, but as he fought to find a way back into Horizon colony, he'd quickly realized that the subjects had done a full lockdown.

It didn't stop him from trying even still, trying till his last breath gave out.

It's like a jolt shoots through him, waking Harold with a start. He sits up, blinking wildly, then flips back into bed. Bed? What? His mind wonders "a dream?", but no no he knows that wasn't a dream. He'd felt it, he'd lived that.

His eyes dart around, familiar things all around, but this isn't right. No, no this is wrong. He grabs the phone on the desk because his bed, flicks it on to see the date and can't believe what he's reading. Flicks the camera on to look at himself at his face.

It's him. Hair more full and his hairline not as drawn back, no gray. No crowd feet at the corner of his eyes and his forehead much smoother. What the hell... it's then that he hears the familiar sound of an orchestral tune coming from the bathroom.

How many times had he woken up to that or joined Siebren in the shower in the morning to start their day? His mind is a wash of confusion and sadness as he looks at the texts messages on the phone. His mother is glad he's enjoying the beginning of his first semester. College? Jesus is that... yeah that made sense with what he's, seeing but this isn't the room he'd stayed in during that time.

What the hell is going on?

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Siebren smiles softly, taking a careful sip of his own coffee.

“Thank you, Harold.”

His voice was heavy with gratitude.

“The truth is...ever since I met you...even though it was just a few weeks ago...it just feels so easy...like I’ve known you a long time already. It feels...peaceful.”

That cheeky little wink is just too much.

Adorable.

He loved it.

“I have the feeling I might need to be...reeled in from time to time.”

In more ways than one.

“I’ll be in late tonight, just so you know. I don’t want you to worry.”

Hearing that goes right to his heart. Does it mean that the Siebren he'd known up on the moon was some where in three? The same situation as him? The idea of it is crazy, Harold knows, he knows if he told anyone what's going on they'd lock him up in a mental ward.

But the chance that Siebren is living the same thing as him...

"I feel the same way, you know. Perhaps we're meant to meet. Soulmates of a sort." Not necessarily of the romantic kind, but he likes to think that's what it meant.

"We'll keep each other in line, friend, someone has to." Harold chuckles softly, then stops as the walkway splits off. This is where's they part for the day, at least for now. Classes and all that.

"Oh- late class or study group?" God Harold feels bad about school as he's done all of this, it'll be such a breeze. Not that he's complaining.

Siebren had felt...off for weeks. As if he was in the wrong place and time...like he had done this before but it was different. He could not put his finger on when exactly it had started or what exactly it meant...but since meeting Harold...it had felt less so. The strange feelings of Deja Vu were still there, but Harold, just by being there,made everything just...feel more right. He could really use someone like that in his life. Someone to keep him in line...keep his feet on the ground when he needed it.

“I like the sound of that. I like it very much, Harold. Thank you.”

He thanked the young man again and meant it.

Too soon, though, it seemed like their paths diverged to their respective buildings. Siebren scratched the back of his neck at the question.

“Ah....no...nothing like that. I’m hoping for something ah...a h bit more romantic tonight.”

Harold is starting to wish that he didn't remember that he'd had another life, he'd been living it up until it was snuffed out and then he woke up in this one. He'd rather the deja vu. Maybe then this wouldn't feel like such a dream.

And here Harold is talking about soulmates and Siebren stands there rubbing his neck awkwardly as he tells him he's got some romantic rendezvous tonight. Oh.

"Oh." Well now he just feels downright foolish. Especially after straight up flirting with him a moment before. He wonders if he already was supposed to know about Siebren being with someone or if this was a new bit of information. He forces an awkward little smile and finger guns at his roommate with one hand.

"Well, go get em tiger." Of course Siebren would already have someone, he's handsome, tall, kind. Anyone would be smart to snatch him up a few weeks into college. He can't be jealous, Siebren isn't his anymore, he hadn't been for years, even if he'd never forgotten him, even if his heart never healed from his passing.

"I won't wait up." He gives a little wave then, turning to head towards his first class of the day. It's honestly a good thing he doesn't really need to pay attention in said class to understand anything, because his mind is going to be distracted all day thinking about Siebren being with someone else.

Oh, how Siebren smiled at those finger guns. It felt good to have someone on his side...someone rooting for him. He had given his own happy little wave before moving on to class. Likewise, he also had trouble focusing in class. He made his way through the day and managed to make it to the appointed place on time. He waited, anxiously looking forward to seeing his girlfriend. She’d picked him out at orientation, it seemed and had been dating for a few weeks. Siebren has never been one to jump into a relationship...but he’d taken a chance...given it a shot...and it seemed to be going well...until they had tried to be intimate. Tried. It seemed he had frightened the poor girl with his size. It had happened before. At least she had not made a scene of it-instead choosing to back out on him. It was always allowed, of course but he had not heard from her since before she set up this date.

And so he waited...and waited...until he was the last one at the little pizza place and the candle on the table had burnt down to nothing. That was when his phone buzzed with a text. His stomach flipped and he felt sick.
We need to see other people. We just aren’t compatible. Good luck in the future!
Not compatible. Not compatible.

His face burned bright red in dim light and he could feel unshed tears burn at his eyes. He left a generous tip for the waitress since he had spent so much time there and ordered a soda. It was the least he could do. He had waited and despite being starving a moment ago he just felt nauseous, all traces of his appetite gone.

He marched back to his room, mind replaying his previous breakups, which had all basically been the same except they had actually given him the respect and dignity of telling him in person instead of standing him up and sending him something as impersonal as a text. “Compatibility” always came up. Always.

He might have trouble reading others but he could read between the lines there. He was too big...he didn’t fit...he was the problem. His hands were shaking so bad by the time he got back to the room that it took him several tries to get the key in the door. It seemed he could not even get the damn key in the lock right. God, he was pathetic.

He did his best to be quiet, knowing Harold was probably sleeping. He took deep, shuddering breaths, hot tears spilling down his face as he quickly made for the bathroom and turned on the shower. He needed one. He felt dirty and needed to wash the feeling away with that caramel scented body wash of his.

Besides, the shower was hot, it his the redness of his face and blended tears with water droplets. After a few long minutes, he stepped out and towered himself off, grabbing a pair of his sleep pants from the shelf and emerged from the bathroom and practically diving into his bed, pulling his thick comforter over him and curling his massive frame into a ball.

He squeezed his eyes shut and managed to take a few steadying breaths, but it was clear he was still upset.

Why? It was not like it had been a years long relationship? It had been a few weeks...but the cruelty involved...the impersonal nature of it...it had shaken him. It had happened before and it would probably happen again. He was never right. Every part of him was too big, it seemed and it hurt knowing that it was something he could not help.

The whole day feels kind of hazy after they part ways. He sits dutifully in class, takes some notes even as he already knows it all. It's most certainly interesting "learning" it all again in Dutch. Still no matter how he tries to focus his thoughts go to Siebren.

Siebren and his romantic night. With classes over he gets dinner and heads back to their dorm, does homework, watches some news and does a little web surfing to see if he can pick out anything else strange. Is it just him that's the outlier? By the time it's starting to get late he's laying in bed, scrolling through texts and the like with his parents and friends, trying to get a hold on this version of his life.

He's also maybe trying to stay awake even as sleep beckons. If he falls asleep will he wake up again? Will it be here? Or another life? Or will there be nothing?

His thoughts are interrupted at the fussing of the door for a good minute. Siebren finally managed to wrangle it into submission and comes in. Harold rolls over in bed to say something, maybe just a 'oh hey how'd it go', but his roommate is already in the bathroom before he can get a word out. Huh. Turning his phone off he'll set it aside as he waits for Siebren to come out.

It's not long and still it doesn't seem like he's noticed Harold is awake, he seems occupied by his own concerns honestly. The way he flips into bed and huddles up under his comforter as if it'll protect him some how has Harold sitting up, fidgeting awkwardly before finally whispering loudly.

"Sieb? You awake?" Of course he is, but he feels weird even bothering him. He probably just wanted to go to sleep.

That whisper in the dark sent a jolt of surprise up his spine. He nodded, only realizing after he did it that Harold could not see him nod with his head under the covers. Slowly, he peeled his comforter away from his face.

“Yes? Harold? Did I disturb you? I’m...I’m sorry.”

His voice was strained, he was trying to sound normal but it only ended up sounding like he was doing his best to hide the fact that he was upset.

"No you didn't, haven't been able to get to sleep." He doesn't bother to grab his glasses, the room is dark beyond a few glowing numbers on clocks and some low light from holograms. A little blue won't hurt him.

"... you okay, buddy?" He tries not to sound too prying, but Siebren just seems. Sad. Tired. He wonders if something happened.

One would figure they'd be in a better mood after a romantic evening.

“Oh, good. I would have...felt terrible if...I disturbed you.”

He would have...but he still feels awful about something else. He trembled under his blanket, but peeled it back revealing his face to Harold. Haroldnwho just a few hours ago had flirted with him, been kind to him, rooted for him with those charming little finger guns.

“No. I’m not.”

Fresh, hot tears welled up in his eyes.

“I’m not alright. I will be...but I’m not right now.”

He took. Steadying breath and tears fell down his face.

“We...we weren’t compatible. We...I never am. It isn’t their fault. It...it just is the way it is.”

He could be blind and still know something was not okay. It's more than plain when Siebren actually says it, but there's that wavier to his voice that makes it obvious he's probably trying not to cry or is crying. What had happened?

Harold has to stop himself from immediately getting up and going to him, would it be weird if he did that? He hates that he has to think that way, to consider things. They're not together here, they've only just started to get to know each other, Siebren is not HIS Siebren.

"Oh Sieb..." He does at the least shift to sit on the end of his bed, so he's closer to him, legs crossed and hands fidgeting a little as he wants nothing more than to go hug him. "Not compatible? Is that what they told you? That's terrible, that's... maybe they weren't right for you. You can't blame yourself so harshly." He can't even imagine this is Siebren's fault at all. Harold knew some what about Siebren's dating woes, they'd never spoke in detail about it, but he'd made it some what clear that his love life had been a mine field of disaster because of his. General size.

Take that as you will. His a giant man with a lot of love to give, but so many bulk so quickly.

Siebren sniffed and wiped tears from his eyes.

“Th-thank you, Harold. You’re a good friend. I...I think I need one of those right now.”

He shook a little. Harold didn’t know...could not know...or maybe he did since he had seen him naked the other day...quite by accident but still.

“They are right, Harold. I’m...I just...I’m just too big.”

Oh, no! Why did he say that? That was far too much information for friends. Still...stilll...it was Harold. He felt at home with Harold...comfortable.

“I’m sorry. That was a little too much information.”

Oh hell with it. He pushes up from the bed and moves to sit on Siebren's, not super close, but still it's more personal this way. Not whisper shouting across their little dorm room.

And no worries. He's seen a lot more if you than just that one time.

"Oh god, haha, no dont-" Harold shakes his head trying not to laugh, but fails. This isn't as terrible as Siebren thinks. Hell even if things were different he still can't imagine he'd be put off by this.

"What's a little er... big? Dick talk between pals?" He'll nudge Siebren a little with us elbow, trying to cheer him up.

"Look if this whole science stuff doesn't work out you could still have a future in uh. Other. Ahem, industries." He makes air quotes with his fingers. God please don't get mad, this is how stupid college kids talk right. Dicks and joking about being a porn star?

Siebren stares at him in the dark for a moment before a smile tugged st the corner of his mouth.

“Harold...are you suggesting I star in pornography?”

It was ludicrous...and he laughed then, hand going to his eyes and pinching his forehead. What an idea. Him? Awkward giant? Dressed as a delivery man with a large package for you? It was a real laugh. He smiled and wiped tears away with that hand. He actually reached out his other to Harold.

“Thank you. For the laugh and the...vote of confidence.”

He paused and swallowed.

“Harold...I...I wasn’t kidding, earlier. When I flirted with you at the coffee bar. I...it felt right. It felt like I had done it before...like it was something we had done. It sounds crazy, I know...like we had done it for years...but we just met a few weeks ago. I didn’t mean to tease you. I...”

He didn’t know what to say. Maybe he should not say anything. He was exhausted and his heart had just been broken...he didn’t want Harold to think he was desperate and lookin g for a rebound. It was because he was emotionally exhausted that his barriers were down.

“I just feel...like you said...we are supposed to know each other.”

"Hey I'm just saying. Handsome tall Dutch guy? I think you'd go far." He's joking, but at the same time not. He can't see Siebren ever doing something like that but if he did he'd be popular with a dick like that.

God's honest truth.

He's glad he could get him to laugh though, ludicrous conversation aside it was a good feeling knowing he could still get that from him. See that smile in the dim light of their room.

It's oddly romantic in that teen highschool drama sort of way. Harold isn't sure how to reply to what comes next, if it were anyone else and this wasn't some strange dream where he his mind was rocketed through time into his younger self. In an alternate timeline no less, he'd be uncomfortable.

He'd definitely be trying to gently defuse the situation. He's not the type to be some kind of rebound, especially when Siebren was so hurt from just being broken up with literally this very night.

"Hey-" He'll give Siebren's shoulder a little squeeze, "Like I said, I'll let you know if you've overstepped." And his hand drops, resting between them on the bed.

"Besides, I wouldn't have flirted back if I didn't mean it. I shouldn't have cause- well I mean you were with someone, not that it matters now I guess." A little shrug and he hates how much he wants to tell him everything. How they had known each other for years, as friends, lovers. Intimately. It wasn't just Siebren's imagination.

If he felt that way too did it mean maybe the same thing had happened to him? No, no that was ridiculous, he was going to fall asleep and this would all fade away. It was just some... strange life flashing before your eyes shit as someone died.

Maybe.

He doesn't know.

Siebren blushed at being called handsome. Handsome? Him? Really?
He listened carefully and gently reached out to take that hand that was on the bed between them-to link their fingers. Just like old times. Just like Horizon.

He started at that. He had no idea what Horizon was but the word was clear in his mind. He cleared his throat.

“Harold...I...i don’t want you to feel like a fling...a rebound. I never spring for rebounds.”

But this feels right. It doesn’t feel like a rebound. He squeezed Harold’s hand. He was shaking a bit as he gently pulled it to his lips and gave it one soft, tentative and very chaste kiss.

Yes. Him. Really. Siebren with his very strong bone structure and kind big eyes. Handsome.

Handsome and forever a romantic.

"Sieb..." God he's such a soft heart, the kiss to the back of his knuckles is corny, cheesy as hell, but it's so very Siebren. Again he knows this would never happen if it were anyone else, but Siebren isn't just anyone and his heart has missed him for too long now. This could be the only chance he'd have with him again. Last chance, last moment. He'd be a goddamn fool not to take it.

"You'd never hurt me, I know." Murmured, free hand reaching up to cup Siebren's face, pushing up a little as he presses their lips together. It's chaste and soft, but so familiar.

Siebren softly shook his head, agreeing with Harold.

“No, never,” he whispered.

He leaned into that hand that cupped his face. It felt so familiar. Hadn’t they done this before? No. No, they had not...at least not..this time. This time?

Siebren’s overactive mind was silenced when Harold softly pushed his lips up and against Siebren’s own. For an instant, the air smells recycled air...but then it is gone and there is nothing but that kiss.

Siebren could not help but kiss back, matching Harold’s technique. It was gentle, careful...deeply personal.

It's strange how quiet everything is in this very moment. Like they're out in the cold of space. Except no, no they're both breathing, both alive and Siebren is warm and his lips feel so good against his. If this truly is a dream than Harold thinks it's part cruel and kind, fate giving him this moment with Siebren who he'd missed so very much. His heart had never stopped aching for him once he was gone.

It aches now, thinking that soon he'll be gone too. Maybe not the Harold in this time, but the Harold from the future here now, he'll no longer exist. All his memories and love gone. So when Siebren kisses back he wants to hold onto this as long as he possibly can before it's all gone again. He'll end the one kiss with another, then another, inhaling through his nose as the kisses become a bit more insistent, clingy, but in no way sexual.

He just can't lose him again, he can't.

Siebren is not privy to the thoughts that Harold is having, but he is struck by this seemingly endless series of kisses. They are not like any kisses he has received before...or had he? They felt so familiar...but he’d never...in this lifetime at least...been kissed this way. It wasn’t the desperate hunger of a horny young adult or the chaste peck of a high school crush. It was something deeply intimate, something longtime lovers would have-just savoring the feel of each other. The kisses asked for nothing further...did not press further...they seemed to just...savor him...and Siebren found himself savoring Harold the same way.

Siebren came up for air and pressed his nose against Harold’s giving him a soft nuzzle.

“Stay with me. Please, Harold? Just stay with me.”

He returned to giving those soft kisses Harold had started.

“We don’t have to do anything I just...don’t want you to go.”

Go? Where would Harold go?

“I don’t want to go.”

Go where?

His left temple throbbed suddenly, but Harold pressed another kiss to his lips and someone could be stabbing him and he would hardly notice, he prioritized those kisses so much.

He only remembers to breathe when Siebren stops to speak, but it does keep him from continuing the unyielding kisses. At least for another minute or two. Pressed between words and god but he wished he could promise Siebren he'd never leave him, but he can't.

Whatever this was felt so fragile.

Both hands now hold his face, cradle it, thumbs brushing against sharp cheekbones. It takes every ounce of his resolve to not utter that he loves him.

"I don't want to leave." Is what he settles on instead, not saying he won't, because he doesn't know. Maybe in the morning Harold will be here, confused and wondering about strange memories of his fondness for Siebren de Kuiper and kissing him all night long even though he barely knows him. Or maybe it'll still be Harold now with all his memories and his aching heart.

In the dark he can see Siebren's face, his kiss swollen lips, big eyes still a bit moist from crying before... he just wants to hold him so tightly. So he'll urge him to lay with him, on the bed definitely not made for two. Barely made for Siebren let's be real. He'll have Siebren rest his head against his chest, one arm resting around his shoulders, his other hand carding through still damp hair.

It's mused and a bit funny looking, but who cares right now. Harold presses his lips into the mess of hair and sighs, tired, worn out emotionally.

"... Siebren, I like you, just the way you are." Don't ever change. Please.

Siebren can’t help but let Harold run his thumbs over his cheekbones. It is so comforting...so soft and adoring...he would let this men touch every inch of him. He follows where Harold guides him-folding his legs and shifting as best he can to make room for the two of them in this small bed as best he can.

He let his head rest on Harold’s chest, content to have his hair stroked while he listened to Harold’s heartbeat. He eased one arm over Harold’s chest, pulling him close. He smiles wide at that kiss to the top of his head. More tenderness.

And then....then Harold says what he has been waiting his whole life to hear. Admittedly, this Siebren had not had to wait as long as his counterpart...but something in Siebren’s mind insists it had waited decades to hear it.

Siebren’s throat tightened and his eyes filled with fresh, hot tears, but...these were happy and they did not fall. His heart that had been dashed to pieces hours earlier now felt so full, Siebren thought it might burst.

“Thank you....Harold.”

His hug tightened and he looked up with those large eye of his, easing up to plant one more of those soft, long kisses onto Harold’s lips. He gave a happy sigh and lay his own head back on Harold’s chest. He wanted to lay there forever.

“Thank you.”

It is all he can manage. Despite how much he loves this, his eyes are getting impossibly heavy. He softly pressed a kiss into Harold’s chest as his large eyes began to flutter.

This very tall eccentric astrophysicist had intrigued him the second he'd first met him. Tall with his deep voice and kind eyes, brilliant mind of course. It didn't take much for Harold to fall for him. He'd shown as much interest in what he was doing on Horizon as Harold had in his studies and his plans at the moon colony.

Now as they pay here together in the dark, fresh tears wetting the t-shirt yes wearing for bed, Harold likes to think they were always meant to gravitate around one another. At the thankful words he gives Siebren a little squueze, sighing into his hair with a smile.

Maybe if this was his last moments with Siebren again it wasn't so bad. Even then as he feels Siebren quiet and still against him, Harold fights to stay awake as long as he can.

His lids are heavy two and after a few slow blinks... suddenly it's morning. Their blinds are closed on the window, but the bit of sunlight still peeks through. The time on the clock proves it's morning, as if he needed more proof, and Harold feels a surge of relief rush over him.

"Oh thank God." Breathed out and he feels his whole body relax. He's still here. Siebren... Siebren is too. Holding him in a sleepy embrace like he's a plush teddy bear. Smiling warmly he'll run his fingers over his forehead into his hair, it's stuck up all funny from drying the night before.

It's cute.

Siebren felt safe...secure...like he fit right in the small bed with a young man he had only known a few weeks but felt so very close and dear to him. He could not explain why, but it felt like he was right where he should be.

He slept deeply and for most of the night, his mind was an infinite abyss of inky black...until a star appeared...and then another...and another...one by one they blinked into existence in his mind’s eye....then, there among them was the Earth...and Siebren realized he was dreaming again. It was the dream he had had off an on for weeks that never ceased to rattle him. He was gazing at the Earth among the stars...except this time he realized he was actually looking through a telescope. He could see himself looking through a telescope. He was much older, Grey hair receded back with a sharp widow’s peak....but his eyes were still glittering with enthusiasm as much as they were now. Siebren had never gotten this far in the dream to actually see his older self.

“So there you are, Dr. de Kuiper.”

He heard a familiar voice...he knew that voice...it was...

Harold Winston.

Siebren’s eyes blinked open in the present, his temple throbbed again. He turned his eyes up at the feeling of someone running their fingers through his hair. Bit by bit, the events of the last night came into his memory and he turned his eyes up at the literal man of his dreams.

“Good Morning, Harold.”

His voice was groggy with sleep but genuinely happy.

“Thank you...for staying with me...and your...kind words last night.”

He paused and cleared his throat.

“I...I think I fancy you quite a bit, Harold Winston.”

He smiled widely and shrugged a bit.

“And I don’t think there is anything you can do about it, I am afraid.”

Waking up to that sleep tired voice is the best thing that's happened to him in a long time. Considering he'd suffocated out in space he can think that.

"Of course." Even if things hadn't ended up as they were now, he'd still not regret staying with him. Anything he'd said. He'd meant it all.

An eyebrow quirks up and as Siebren playfully all but threatens him. Nothing he can do about it huh? Oh noooo... whatever will he do?

"If you're insinuating that would be a problem you're mistaken, Dr. de Kuiper." Whoops old habits again.

"Thing is, I think I fancy you too." He didn't think, he knew, but he's playing against Siebren's words.

"So. It seems like we have a situation on our hands. We both like each other."

Dr. de Kuiper

There it was again. Again it felt right...familiar. It was what the Harold in his dream had called him.

He nodded slowly, tracing circles lazily on Harold’s t-shirt.

“Indeed. It would seem we do.”

He looked up, large eyebrows arched in mock seriousness.

“Not to worry, Dr. Winston. I have the situation under control.”

At that, his left temple throbbed and he could swear he heard an alarm somewhere...but as soon as it had come, it passed.

He gave his head a shake before leaning up to Harold and nuzzling the man’s much smaller nose with his own before kissing the end of it, careful to hold his breath while he did. Siebren was all too aware that he had not in fact brushed his teeth yet.

“I suppose we’ll just have to fancy each other. Not a bad situation to be in at all from where I am standing, as it were.”

For whatisthatmelody | Back to life alternate timeline au aka a mouthful!

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I love how my autocorrect keeps making me look a fool with these typos dang phone tags

Same Hat!!!

Points at other Spider-Man

best meme

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